All eyes on small New Mexico town to solve the gerrymander battle

Newsom and Abbott agree to go mano-a-mano at a neutral site

If you were with me the other day, you know we were analyzing a one-sided debate I was having with our beloved former governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The governor was claiming that Prop 50 is “against democracy” because the California State Legislature redrew the Congressional map without public input, but he neglected to mention that the public will have the final say on this generous gerrymander when all is said and done.

That’s when I pointed out that average folks in Texas were given no such right of approval, a situation Schwarzenegger failed to mention.

So here’s the deal, Arnold.

California and Texas are playing a college football game at a neutral site in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico. The stadium at Hot Springs High School is packed, with the Texas fans jammed tightly in the red bleachers on the right side of the field and the Californians jammed just as tightly in the blue bleachers on the left side of the field.

It’s a warm evening and the Californians are sipping an elegant Cabernet from the Napa Valley that they slipped past Kristi Noem’s armed TSA agents when boarding their flight to the game at Sacramento International.

The Texans, who arrived in a caravan of Ford F-150s with their kids riding in the open-air truck bed without seat belts, are drinking Bud.

The Californians feasted on gouda-stuffed Portobellos and raw oysters during their pregame tailgate, while the Texans took advantage of 75-cent Hot Dog Night at the stadium concession stand.

The Texas fans are all wearing red MAGA hats backward and the California fans are decked out in every color of the rainbow.

The two sides don’t like each other very much, so security is tight.

Three undocumented immigrants are sitting alone in the end zone, trying not to be noticed, though they are extremely interested in the outcome of this game.

The pre-game coin flip features a two-headed medallion with Melania Trump on one side and Nancy Pelosi on the other.

Pre-game ceremonies at the Proposition 50 yard line feature the Lone Star Flag and the California Golden Bear Flag, while the Hot Springs High School band marches in playing a medley of the Star Spangled Banner, the Eyes of Texas are Upon You and California Here I come.

Yes, you could call this one The Stereotype Bowl.

Gavin Newsom is California’s head coach.

Greg Abbott leads the Texans.

Ted “Cancun” Cruz is the Texas quarterback who calls signals with such a strong Texas twang that it confuses California’s defense.

Katie Porter quarterbacks California, mostly because her frequent foul mouth intimidates the Texans and makes them wonder why a woman is being allowed to play in a man’s game.

Eleven Texans take the field to battle eleven Californians.

A tight defensive battle ensues, with lots of trash talk at the line of scrimmage, but no scoring.

It’s 0-0 at the end of the first quarter, 0-0 at halftime and 0-0 at the end of the third quarter.

In the fourth quarter, following a California punt, as Coach Newsom sends his 11 bold defenders back onto the field once again, he notices something unusual.

Taking off his shoes so he can count on his fingers and toes, he notices that Texas now has not 11 players on the field but 16.

“That’s against the rules,” he screams at the officials, but the men in stripes pay him no mind.

Newsom calls “time out” and turns to the Californians sitting behind him in the blue seats on the left side of the field and pleads, “What should I do?”

By a show of hands, they tell him to fight 16 with 16.

And so he does.

The fourth quarter ends 0-0.

The game is now in overtime, with no end in sight.

It likely won’t be decided until November 3, 2026.

Reach me at bobdunning@thewaryone.com