City strikes fear into hearts of Davis homeowners

You can lead a horse to water, but not it if has lead in it

Generally, when the City of Davis wants money, it sends me a letter with my full legal name, including the harsh sounding "Robert."

Growing up in this town, the only person who ever called me "Robert," from Little League coaches to Catechism teachers, was my mom. And even she did it only when I was in trouble.

Yesterday, however, I received a letter from "City Offices," with that charming old-fashioned high-wheeler bicycle logo that tells me my wallet is about to be assaulted. 

But instead of the offensive and official "Robert," it was addressed simply to "RESIDENT," as if some generic, faceless, nameless person resides inside our humble East Davis home.

Resident? Really?

We've lived at this same address for 38 years now. So much for small-town charm where everyone knows everyone on a first-name basis.

Note, this was addressed to "RESIDENT," not "RESIDENTS." I mean, which "RESIDENT" of this crowded home do they wish to speak with?

"IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR DRINKING WATER SERVICE LINES," said the bold-faced, all-caps headline on the front page of the letter this resident was expected to read.

But hey, you don't have to shout. It's me, Bob. You have my full attention.

"As required by U.S. Environmental Protection Agency, the City of Davis has identified that your water service connection is considered a lead-status unknown service line on the customer-side only."

I think there should be a "the" between "by" and "U.S." in the above sentence. Silly me, I would have thought the city could afford a proofreader or two now that we doubled our sales tax revenue in the last election.

Be that as it may, having an unknown lead status is troubling in the extreme, especially so close to Thanksgiving when a busload of relatives from North Dakota will descend upon this Resident's residence.

"The City of Davis recently conducted an inventory of all water service lines, which is the pipe that connects your home, building or other structure to the City owned and maintained water main."

Again, "City-owned" deserves a hyphen, but right now I'm more worried about having lead in my bones than the city's faulty punctuation.