Coming soon to a campus near you - a ban on belittling conservative ideas
If you want federal dollars to flow your way, you'd best keep your opinions to yourself
The other day, in an effort to control the minds of crazy college professors and even crazier college students, the President of the United States sent a proposed “compact” to nine universities across the country outlining a number of conditions they must adhere to if they expect funding from the federal government.
The compact was delivered by carrier pigeon to Arizona, Brown, Dartmouth, USC, Pennsylvania, MIT, Texas, Vanderbilt and Virginia.
UC Davis will no doubt receive its own marching orders once the president is presented with evidence linking bicycle riding with liberal thought.
One key proposal in the president’s manifesto is to freeze tuition for five years, a proposal supported by 99.2 percent of undergraduates and 100 percent of their parents. Additionally, free tuition should be provided to students studying math, biology or other “hard sciences.” I am not making this up.
Makes me wonder if my major, “Political Science,” qualifies as a “hard science,” given that it was certainly hard for me to get anything higher than a “C.” If so, maybe this “compact” will include a retroactive refund for my tuition and books and the occasional pizza at Deebo’s.
The most striking part of this One, Big, Beautiful Compact, however, is its prohibition on a college campus of any sort of action or speech that would “belittle” conservative ideas, whether by an administrator, an instructor, a student, a volleyball coach or the folks planting petunias outside the chancellor’s office.
In other words, those holding conservative ideas are simply vulnerable snowflakes who, when their ideas are challenged even in the slightest of ways, melt away into the green grass on the campus quad.
If that isn’t “woke” ideology, I don’t know what is. Kind of like encouraging youth soccer parents to applaud every goal, even those made by the other team. Or the common practice of youth baseball teams of giving every kid on the roster a silver trophy at the end of the season - “Best Attitude After Striking Out” - just to be sure no one’s feelings get hurt.
Who knew that conservative thought is so fragile it cannot survive challenges of any kind?