Crystal ball reveals every significant event that will take place in the next 12 months

Kamala Harris becomes president, Lois Wolk runs for governor, Trump to Mt. Rushmore

This is the time of year when major news organizations spend way too much time recounting the blessings and curses of the previous year, in this case, 2024.

That's the easy stuff.

What you will read here is what will happen in 2025, guaranteed.

Several of the predictions that follow were actually made in previous years, but were delayed due to Covid, the presence of dangerous atmospheric rivers and the election of Donald Trump.

TURNAROUND IS FAIR PLAY (January 6) ... Vice President Kamala Harris refuses to certify Electoral College victory for Donald Trump, citing Trump's own statements about the Vice President's "constitutional duty" from Jan. 6 of 2021.

A PARTING GIFT (January 7) ... Citing a desire to "spend more time with family," Joe Biden resigns the presidency, elevating Kamala Harris to the Oval Office and making "TRUMP 47" merchandise worthless.

LEAVING WITH LOIS (January 16) ... Former State Senator Lois Wolk announces candidacy for Governor of California with newly formed Secessionist Party. "When I succeed, we secede" becomes catchy campaign slogan as disaffected Californians seek to form their own country.

A NOOK IN NUUK (January 20) ... Wearing a jaunty Panama hat, Donald Trump chooses Nuuk for his inauguration, planting the American flag and threatening to melt all of Greenland's ice sheet with a blowtorch to create beachfront property in Kansas.

MERGER MANIA (January 31) ... Cane's merges with Mathnasium, changes name to "Raising Brains."

UC EXPANSION (February 14) ... Citing overcrowding at all UC campuses, the Board of Regents approves new campus in Nevada. UC Winnemucca will begin accepting students in the fall of 2025 with "Sagebrush Management" a required course for all freshmen.

MARTIAN MADNESS (February 28) ... Tired of being out-smarted at every turn, Donald Trump names Elon Musk as Ambassador-in-Residence to Mars. Senate Democrats unanimously vote "Yes" at Musk's confirmation hearing.

A WIN FOR TWO-WHEELERS (March 11) ... Caltrans decides the only way to end congestion on the Yolo Causeway is to eliminate cars altogether and make the entire span bicycle-only in both directions. For those commuters unwilling or unable to ride a bicycle, Caltrans offers helicopter service from the South Davis Taco Bell to Raley's parking lot in West Sacramento.

CATHOLIC CABERNET (March 17) ... Pope Francis visits UC Davis Department of Viticulture and Enology to teach scientists how to turn water into wine.

MARCH GLADNESS (March 23) ... UC Davis women's basketball team opens NCAA tournament with 112-45 win over No. 1 seed Connecticut while Aggie men drop No. 1 Kansas, 99-37.

PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN (March 27) ... Republicans in Congress introduce bill to make January 6 a national holiday "In honor of the brave men and women who stormed the Capitol to prevent democracy from gaining a foothold in our great land."

ANIMAL STYLE (April 6) ... In-N-Out buys all of Olive Drive to ease congestion in its drive-thru lane that was causing traffic backups all the way to Lake Tahoe.

BIRDS OF A FEATHER (April 12) ... UC Davis Young Republicans once again invite Vladimir Putin to ride on their Picnic Day float.

AND NEVER THE TWAIN SHALL MEET (April 30) ... City of Davis plants teams of specially trained pit bulls along County Road 29 to halt Woodland's inevitable growth toward Davis.

AND THEN THERE WERE FIVE (May 9) ... National Park Service arrests Donald Trump at the top of Mount Rushmore with 10 sticks of dynamite and chiseling tools in his possession. "I got more votes than those other four guys they put on the mountain," Trump declares at his arraignment in Rapid City.

NEW CAST OF CHARACTERS (May 30) ... After years of discussion, Disneyland confirms plans to move its entire Orange County amusement park to Yolo County and rename it Disney Davis. Explains a Disney spokesman: "We'll bring all the characters to Davis except Goofy. He's clearly already there."

A WELL DESERVED HONOR (June 1) ... Wendy Weitzel wins Pulitzer Prize in All-Around Excellence Category after moving her must-see column to Substack and breaking worldwide subscription records.

GUACAMOLE ON THE HOUSE (July 21) ... Hoping to provide competition for immensely popular restaurants Dos Coyotes and Tres Hermanas, four Davis grandmothers open Cuatro Abuelas in former Davis Enterprise building along G Street. Not to be outdone, eight teenagers band together to open Ocho Hijos, a food cart outside Davis High School on 14th Street.

JUMBO JACKS ALL AROUND (July 29) ... Adding to the Downtown Davis dining scene, Avid Reader merges with Jack-in-the-Box to form Avid Feeder. Jack himself shows up for grand opening.

A CARDINAL IN THE CAPAY (August 1) ... After four straight 3-9 seasons, Stanford University accepts invitation to join the Delta League, opens 2025 football season with 6-0 win over Esparto.

LIQUID GOLD (August 25) ... UC Davis entomologist discovers several nearly extinct Elderberry Beetles at construction site of new University Mall, project permanently halted.

PLOUGH 'EM UNDER (September 6) ... Aggie football pulls off a 99-yard touchdown run on the final play of the game to stun Washington, 7-6, in sold-out Husky Stadium before a national television audience.

THE NAME GAME (September 8) ... Declaring that the lack of a 13th Street in Davis is a "national embarrassment" that gives in to unfounded superstitions, the City of Davis boldly renames Covell Boulevard as 13th Street. "We are unafraid," says unanimous council resolution.

DON'T MESS WITH MOTHER NATURE (September 12) .. Massive 11.4 earthquake levels entire stretch of newly named 13th Street. Entire City Council is recalled.

MOTTO MADNESS MARCHES ON (September 30) ... Newly elected Davis City Council votes 5-0 to approve Official City Motto as "Davis - More Nuts Than Winters."

TUBER TRANSIT (October 5) ... Hoping to cash in on the lucrative ride-share market and provide direct competition to Uber, City of Davis buys 16 potato-shaped vehicles and starts low-cost Tuber service.

THE WHOLE WORLD IS WATCHING (October 30) ... Yolo A's drop the Los Angeles Dodgers, 4-0, in the seventh game of World Series, announce plans to move permanently to Dobbins Stadium at UC Davis instead of moving to Las Vegas.

DONALD BEING DONALD (November 22) ... Donald Trump banned from LIV Golf Tour after cheating on his scorecard.

BAG BAN STRENGTHENED (November 24) ... Adding extra oomph to an already strict state law, City of Davis bans plastic bags, paper bags, Glad bags, handbags, saddlebags, gift bags, windbags, airbags, scumbags, dirtbags, sandbags, beanbags, bagpipes, bagpipers, bag ladies, bag men, bags under the eyes, baggy pants, Baggin's End, people named Bagley and baguettes.

FOOD TO GO (December 2) ... City of Davis shuts down Door Dash for delivering "junk food" and starts alternative delivery service "Hash Dash," featuring low-cal, gluten-free, keto-friendly, all-vegan offerings.

NEWS FROM THE NORTH (December 12) ... Woodland declares Official City Motto as "Davis - Gateway to Woodland."

NOSTRADUNNING STRIKES AGAIN (December 31) ... New York Times investigation confirms that all of the above took place exactly as predicted in The Year of Our Lord, 2025.

Reach Nostradunning at bobdunning@thewaryone.com