Mystery disease identified on the USS Lincoln sends the big boat home for good
Plus Mr. Pillow, Jeanine Pirro, loud-mouthed Lumberjacks and a final farewell to a Northwest legend
SPURRED INTO ACTION ... The USS Abraham Lincoln has been ordered back to San Diego after it was determined the entire crew has come down with bone spurs and is unfit for duty.
NO NUKES ... It’s clear that Jeanine Pirro should never be allowed to have a nuclear weapon.
OH MAN, OMAN ... Said the Commander in Chief on national television, using the elegant language we have come to expect of him, “If Oman gets in the way, we’ll bomb the shit out of them.”
Oh man. (Bless me Father, for I almost used an exclamation point.)
TODD BLANCHE’S REAL FIRST NAME ... It has been determined that Todd Blanche’s birth name was actually Carte Blanche, which explains why he plans to give Donald Trump anything and everything he wants.
SPEAKING OF OUR NEW AG ... Mr. Blanche, while addressing federal law enforcement officers the other day, stated firmly, “In my Department of Justice, if anybody touches a federal law enforcement officer in any way inappropriate, we will prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law.”
Too bad he doesn’t feel that way about inappropriate touching of Capitol Police officers on January 6 or the thousands of victims of Jeffrey Epstein and his still-unnamed co-conspirators.
CRITICAL MASS ... While attending Holy Mass at a nearby parish last Sunday, I clearly heard a prayer petition from the pulpit imploring that “all immigrants and aliens will be treated as the children of God and that we will always welcome all strangers.”
Will ICE soon be paying this humble parish a visit?
OUR SIZZLING ECONOMY ... Donald Trump is insisting that he has created the greatest economy in the world, and from his vantage point, that’s understandable.
I mean, if I’d made $2.2 billion in a mere 12 months, been gifted with a $400 million flying yacht and been guaranteed the IRS will never audit me, I’d be thinking the economy was doing pretty swell too.
FLYING BY THE SEAT OF THEIR PANTS ... Way down deep, I wonder how the sitting ducks on that “decoy” plane out of Turkey feel about their value to this administration.
FOAM OR FEATHERS? ... I don’t know about you, but I was sad to see Mr. Pillow lose his primary race for Governor of Minnesota.
I’ll miss seeing his earnest buffoonery on the Nightly News.
HHS FOLLOWS EUROPE’S LEAD ... We hear all the time about American exceptionalism, but apparently RFK Jr. doesn’t believe in the concept.
This, from the Department of Health and Human Sacrifice, about how folks in Europe, especially Denmark, are so much smarter than we are when it comes to vaccinating kids.
“The Department of Health and Human Services completed a scientific assessment, which identified a set of consensus vaccines that are consistently recommended in all peer countries and found that the United States currently recommends more childhood vaccines than any peer nation, including more than twice as many vaccine doses as some European nations.”
After touting American superiority in all things, this administration is now suggesting we should play follow the leader behind Europe when it comes to basic healthcare.
Bottom line: measles is back.
HE’S A LUMBERJACK AND HE’S OKAY ... So, a little theme song for the Democrats of Maine who have now nominated an honest-to-goodness lumberjack to replace an oysterman in the U.S. Senate race against Susan Milquetoast Collins.
With thanks to Monty Python.
CAN I HAVE THIS DANCE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE? ... Portland’s famed Lloyd Center, a worldwide sensation when it opened in 1960 as the largest mall on the planet - complete with an immensely popular ice rink - sold its last pair of jeans and its last box of popcorn earlier this month.
I remember visiting there numerous times over the years and even crashed ungraciously on that very ice when my unfamiliar rental skates clearly malfunctioned.
My oldest son Ted remembers when he was very young there used to be a hamburger place at the Lloyd Center named the Hippopotamus that had a burger garnished with peanut butter and jelly instead of ketchup and mustard.
Every kid’s dream.
Jerry and Tally Leonard met at the Lloyd Center ice rink nearly 60 years ago and have skated there almost daily ever since.
They were honored to have the last dance in the final moments before the mall closed for good.
We loved Lloyd's Center and are so sad to see it go. We visit Portland every year to see our family. It was amazing in the old days and then went slowly, sadly downhill over time. I love that story about the husband and wife skaters.