No Christmas tree is fully decorated until there's an "Angle" on the highest branch
If you don't know what to do with all those ornaments, you can ask a pro
I realize that beautiful, creative, unique, memorable and even funny ornaments are an important part of any Christmas tree, but it never crossed my mind that there’s a budding cottage industry over what to do with those ornaments when the big day is over and it’s time to give that fire hazard of a tree the heave-ho.
But there it was, in the largest, boldest headline available, a CNN story titled “The 16 best Christmas ornament storage ideas, according to professional organizers.”
I honestly did not know there are people who pay their bills by being professional Christmas ornament storage organizers.
Is there maybe a PhD in this field offered by the University of Nevada at Las Vegas, the most “decorated” city in America?
I can envision the opening day of first grade at some random elementary school when the teacher asks Sally, a new student in town, what her parents do for a living.
“They’re Christmas ornament professional storage organizers,” Sally responds proudly as every kid in class instantly perks up and has a dozen questions for their new friend.
Obviously, since Easter, Memorial Day and the Fourth of July don’t generally involve ornaments, these folks have to make their entire annual income in one short month.
Which means their services don’t come cheap.
I will admit that our family could most definitely use these folks, not only to safely pack away this year’s ornaments, but to help us locate where the heck we put last year’s ornaments.
Our grand estate in East Davis, cleverly disguised as a 1951 tract starter home, does not have a closet or overhead shelf dedicated to Christmas ornament storage.
Sure enough, last year’s string of twinkly lights, now impossibly jumbled into a tightly woven ball, are easy to find because you keep tripping over them while searching for the missing ornaments.
Every one of our six kids has a favorite ornament or two, and it’s the same for Shelley and me. But inevitably, one’s missing or has at least inexplicably been shattered into a million pieces while in storage.
I’m not sure what ornaments do while in storage, but apparently ours play a mean game of Bumper Cars.
One time I found a Christmas “Angle” to top our tree, produced in a foreign land where proofreaders are apparently scarce. It looked beautiful adorning the highest branch of our ceiling-scraping Douglas Fir, but it has now apparently flown back to heaven, where all good Angles reside.
The most talked about ornament, however, is one that is inscribed “Baby’s First Christmas, 1981,” even though none of the six kids decorating the tree celebrated their first Christmas in 1981.
This has led to some raised eyebrows, dubious theories and tall tales about how this ornament made it into our stash of decorations, but nobody has managed to solve this enduring mystery.
Presumably, this darling child, gender unknown, was born between December 26, 1980 and December 24, 1981, but has yet to show up for Christmas dinner since that time.
If you think this ornament might be yours, please give us a shout.
So, mystery ornament or otherwise, CNN has a storage solution for you, beginning with the “Treekeeper 120-ornament telescoping Christmas storage box with five removable trays.”
Wow. That’s a mouthful.
Or you might pick the “Simplify 64-count large storage box with window,” in case your ornaments wish to look out from their year-long prison to see what’s going on between New Year’s Day and Thanksgiving.
But what about those goofy Nutcrackers who simply don’t fit neatly anywhere?
CNN has an answer for that, too, with the “Holdn’ Storage Christmas Nutcracker and Figurine Collectible Storage Box” that is acid-free and comes with sturdy handles.
It’s recommended that before you stash it away you toss a handful of unshelled walnuts or pecans in with these characters in case they wish to get cracking early in anticipation of Christmas.
Noted one storage pro, “The best ornament storage systems protect your keepsakes from clanking together and breaking while keeping everything easy to reach when it’s time to decorate.”
And don’t you just hate it in the middle of August when it’s 105 in the shade and you hear your ornaments clanking together because they’re getting bored?
“Containers with individual compartments are the standout choice because each ornament has its own little home.”
That is so sweet.
I think I’m going to cry.
Merry Christmas, Tiny Tim.
May all your ornaments survive to decorate yet another Christmas tree.
Reach me at bobdunning@thewaryone.com
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