Restaurant review - my top 20 pet peeves when it comes to eating out

"How is everything tasting, sir?"

While there's nothing quite like a family dinner on a cold winter's night or a backyard barbecue with a few close friends on a warm summer evening, I do like to eat out on occasion.

I don't consider myself unusually picky or demanding, but I do know what I like and what I don't like. Still, never once in my many forays into the gastronomic wonderland do I recall ever having sent a dish back to the kitchen for a do-over.

I guess any concerns I may have about the meal I'm about to consume are taken care of in the decision as to where we're going to eat. When my Sweetheart asks me "Where would you like to have dinner?," I usually cop out and say "You decide."

Basically, I don't like noodles, especially spaghetti, but everything else is fair game. I was hesitant for a while to try sushi, but now in most cases, I love it. Even if the prices are generally too high and the portions too small.

I do, however, have some pet peeves that when they crop up will make my dining out experience less than ideal.

1) Grammatical or spelling errors on the menu. Before you open a restaurant, hire a proofreader. It's not a "hamberger." It's not "rasberry" topping. And for heaven's sake, it's not an ice cream “sunday.” I once ate in a Chinese restaurant in Trinity County that misspelled "Chinese" on the sign out front. And what about the long-standing "Cattlemens" in Dixon that steadfastly refuses to use an apostrophe?

2) A little sign on the table that says "In the interest of conservation, we only serve water on demand." Please stop. Never mind that "only" should follow "water," not "we," this is the same restaurant that will openly encourage me to order a glass of wine that takes 40 gallons of water to produce. Heck, they'll sell me the whole bottle without a second of concern about water conservation.

3) Student discounts and senior discounts. College kid drives up in a BMW with a ski rack on top and a "Keep Tahoe Blue" bumper sticker on the back and gets his meal for 20 percent less than I do. The same for senior discounts, especially in this town where many elderly couples have completely comfortable retirement incomes, paid-off mortgages and homes that are worth 20 times what they paid for them.

4) Tumbleweed salads made with wimpy greens that are impossible to stab with a fork. Give me Iceberg or give me death.