When an assault is not an assault if the jury says it's not

Pete Hegseth has come up with a novel new weapon to use in the war on drugs

Since I’ve spent the last several weekends in such far-flung and magical locales as Moscow, Idaho and Greeley, Colorado, I haven’t had a chance to comment on a clearly “woke” jury’s decision in what in my mind was the Crime of the Century.

Yes, I’m talking about a Washington, D.C. jury’s “not guilty” decision in the case of Sean C. Dunn, an enraged individual who hurled a fully loaded Subway sandwich - a footlong, no doubt - directly into the chest of an armed federal agent who was bravely protecting the decent and law-abiding citizens of the nation’s capital from Marxists and the like. (You can see the assault here after you take all young children to bed.)