This is clearly the best bang for the buck in a long time

If you like winning stuff for free, read on

Save for the time my sisters and I had a lemonade stand in front of our house on Campus Way, I’ve never been a business owner.

And never mind why lemons ripen in the winter but people drink lemonade in the summer.

That’s a question only God can answer.

Come to think of it, many decades after squeezing lemons for a living, I am now a small business owner selling subscriptions to Substack.

It still feels like I’m mostly typing for a living, which I’ve pretty much done ever since I was old enough to pay my own bills, but there are definitely business concerns to take care of.

It’s a job I’m not very good at.

Sure, I’m my own boss - “Bob, could you please get Bob another cup of coffee?” - but I actually would much prefer to simply write my column and have others sort out the details of what I should be paid.

I mean, do I pay myself mileage when I drive to San Luis Obispo to cover a UC Davis football game?

Should I reimburse myself fully when I meet for lunch with my inside Davis source, Downtown Abbey?

Can I file a claim against myself for a workplace injury when I show up at Urgent Care late at night with a severe case of writer’s block?

People who know how to attract business - in my case subscriptions - say it’s all about marketing.

I presume they mean I should be passing out business cards, QR Codes, ballpoint pens, coffee cups and cheaply made T-shirts, stuff that has nothing to do with the quality of my work.

I like clever marketing as much as the next guy, though it rarely makes me go out and buy something.

There are some highly entertaining television ads about car insurance, but I can’t even name the company that is making me laugh, which means those ads are not doing the job they were intended to do.

The other day, however, I came across a promotion I’d never seen before and I was fascinated by its originality and cleverness.

It came from UC Davis Athletics and was designed to increase attendance at Aggie men’s and women’s basketball games, which in addition to cheering our local heroes on to victory, is also likely to sell many more boxes of popcorn.

“With UC Davis men’s and women’s basketball both undefeated in the University Credit Union Center, the Aggie Ticket Office is offering a special ticket offer for fans to catch the win streak in person,” says the press release.

Sounds like a worthy endeavor. Please tell me more.

“With an Aggie win, fans who purchase a $20 ticket to this Sunday’s women’s game against Chico State (2 p.m.) will receive an additional free ticket for next Saturday’s matchup with Northern Colorado (2 p.m.)”

Clearly the Deal of the Century.

“For $30, Aggie fans can purchase a ticket for Wednesday’s men’s game against Seattle (6 p.m.), with a win producing another free ticket for the game against Pacific Union on Dec. 28. (2 p.m.)”

But here’s the best part.

“For each consecutive home win each team achieves, this complimentary ticket will continue to roll over.”

If both teams win all their remaining home games this season, the entire UC Davis campus will be renamed in your honor.

Wow, UC Bob.

So here’s my new and clever marketing deal.

If you sign up for a paid subscription to The Wary One today (thewaryone.com), when I win the Pulitzer, you will get next year’s (or month’s) subscription for free.

That subscription will roll over like the family dog the next year when I win the Nobel Prize for my three-part series on the Yolo County Mosquito Abatement District.

And that subscription will be extended for another year when I am named either Time Magazine’s Person of the Year or People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive.

After that, you’re on your own.

Go Ags.

Beat Chico.

And Seattle.

Reach me at bobdunning@thewaryone.com