What to make of the madness in Minneapolis?
The truth is not elusive, the camera doesn't lie
MINNESOTA MADNESS ... I am not a Minnesotan, but I have always had a fondness in my heart for Minneapolis because for some strange reason known only to God, that’s where our immediate family got its start. Even though dad was from Portland and mom from North Dakota, they met in Minneapolis and were soon married in nearby St. Paul, where mom had found her first job as a registered nurse and dad had started his first job after studying at the University of Minnesota.
But no matter your background, seemingly all people of goodwill have been sickened by what has been happening in the Land of 10,000 lakes, where two 37-year-olds, Renee Good and Alex Pretti have been shot to death by federal agents.
Compounding our collective grief and horror is the fact that people we normally rely upon to do the right thing - the President of the United States, the U.S. Attorney General, the Secretary of Homeland Security and the head of the Border Patrol - have all lied about how these two people died, despite compelling video evidence to the contrary.
The president continues to insist that Good “ran over” an ICE agent, while other administration officials have claimed Pretti “brandished” a gun, “assaulted” ICE agents and was hellbent on perpetrating a massacre. All of those claims are provably false.
LET’S MAKE A DEAL ... After telling us repeatedly that ICE agents have arrived in force in Minnesota to rid the state of rapists, murderers, child molesters, drug lords and the very worst of the worst illegal immigrants, Attorney General Bondi told Minnesota Governor Tim Walz that ICE would depart his state if he agreed, among other things, to turn over Minnesota voting records. So this wasn’t about getting rid of the worst of the worst after all.
When it comes to private voter information, the Minnesota Secretary of State says it would be illegal to do so. Pam Bondi says otherwise.
So I presume that all those heavily armed ICE agents are breaking into homes and smashing vehicle windows searching for Minnesota voting records.
Sounds like an issue to be decided in a courtroom, not in the streets of Minneapolis.
THE SECOND AMENDMENT’S DOUBLE STANDARD ... If so-called conservatives carry a loaded weapon, they are merely exercising their constitutional rights and should be treated with respect as the patriots that they are.
However, if someone on the left carries a loaded weapon, he is automatically labeled as a “domestic terrorist” and potentially a mass murderer.
IMMUNITY CREATES IMPUNITY ... ICE agents, of course, have been granted absolute immunity and absolute anonymity and know deep down that no matter how reckless they may be, they will never be held to account.
PUNISHING DENMARK ... This just in: Danish pastries have been banned from the White House break room.
LOVING LIAM ... Even Republicans are having a hard time not falling in love with precious little Liam Conejo Ramos, the illegal preschooler with his oddly Irish first name. How not to love a kid with his sweet blue hat and Spider-Man backpack as he stood outside his home in the Minnesota snow?
And yes, “Conejo” means rabbit in Spanish. Cute and cuddly, just like Liam.
I don’t know about you, but no matter what terrible crimes this five-year-old may have committed in his young life, a for-profit prison in Texas is no place for a kid his age. I mean, every time little Liam wants an extra graham cracker or another carton of milk, this for-profit company’s bottom line is diminished. These are not patriots running this prison, but profiteers.
I remember being sent to after-school “detention” a time or two at Davis High School for bad behavior in my boring biology class, but they eventually let me go home in time for dinner.
Liam’s detention seems a bit more onerous than that.
NUKE NUUK? ... I don’t know how it happened, but I somehow got patched into one of those Pentagon Signal Chats and I could swear I heard the Secretary of War-Mongering, Pistol Pete, arguing in favor of a powerful missile strike that would melt all that worthless ice in Greenland, exposing all sorts of rare earth minerals for easy mining, while at the same time creating beachfront property in Kansas.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE NATIVES? ... One Pentagon naysayer on the call worried about the fate of the 56,000 residents of Greenland from such a blast, but Pistol Pete suggested they be relocated to the Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean, where they could feast on radioactive coconuts for the rest of their natural lives. Meanwhile, White House press secretary Caroline Love-it-or-Leavitt said the nuclear option was one of the tools in the Commander in Chief’s toolbox that he is allowed to consider to make other nations heel.
DANGER, DANGER EVERYWHERE ... During the same Signal Chat, several attendees expressed alarm when learning that Greenland is “surrounded by Crustaceans,” but Marco Rubio calmed everyone down by explaining that Crustaceans are simply immigrants from Croatia and are generally peace-loving folks.
YOU SEEN ONE ISLAND, YOU SEEN ‘EM ALL ... White House aides said it was of “no concern” that in the president’s speech in Davos (Swiss for “Davis”), he four times referred to Greenland as “Iceland.” Perhaps it was just a brain cramp, but it would be good for everyone involved to get the latitude and longitude straightened out before American troops invade the wrong country.
GREENLAND RICHES ... Under all that ice, geologists say Greenland has massive stores of Lithium, Magnesium, Titanium, Selenium, Plutonium, Potassium, Aluminum and Trumpium, the last allowing those who ingest it to lie with impunity.
SPEAKING OF RICHES ... This from CNN, which apparently failed to check sunrise and sunset data in Nuuk before stating, “Researchers say it would be extremely difficult and expensive to extract Greenland’s minerals because many of the island’s mineral deposits are located in remote areas above the Arctic Circle, where there is a mile-thick polar ice sheet and darkness reigns much of the year.”
Indeed, Greenland can experience a long winter of darkness, but it also has a long summer of sunlight.
Trust me, darkness does not reign “much of the year.”
RETURN OF THE SCARLET LETTER ... In order to help masked ICE agents identify their next victims in Minnesota and Maine, the feds are suggesting that all Somalis in those two states be required to have a bright red “S” tattooed on their foreheads.
Christians believe we are all made in the image and likeness of God.
Apparently, Somalis are the exception to that rule.
FAIR TRADE AGREEMENT ... Donald Trump has offered a “no-cash” swap with Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney, whereby Canada gives up Alberta in exchange for Minnesota.
“They get Tim Walz and we get all that Albertan oil,” said Trump triumphantly.
THOSE COWARDLY DANES ... After President Trump claimed NATO allies would never militarily help the United States, some ungrateful European leaders pointed out that the only time Article 5 was invoked came after 9/11 when many NATO members sent troops to Afghanistan to aid the U.S. cause there. Stunned, but undeterred, Trump had to admit that was true, but said those NATO troops, especially from Denmark and Great Britain, “stayed a little back, a little off the front lines.”
Apparently, those Danes and Brits all had bone spurs. Just like the man who bravely fought the Vietnam War from his real estate office in Manhattan.
Nonetheless, Great Britain lost 457 combatants in Afghanistan, while Denmark, a country of just 5 million at the time, lost 40.
Even Trump’s buddy, NATO Secretary General Mark Rutte, pointed out the error of our president’s ways.
British Prime Minister Keir Starmer said Trump’s words had caused great hurt to loved ones of those who were killed or injured and that he’s waiting for Trump’s apology. He’s still waiting.
REVISIONIST HISTORY ... The president, fed with a bunch of Greenland “facts” by his aides who know he will believe anything they tell him, claims that an American boat long ago landed on Greenland’s shore before anyone else’s boat landed on Greenland and therefore the United States is the island’s rightful owner.
I suppose it’s possible that the Mayflower, which carried the first illegal immigrants to America, was blown off course and dropped anchor there briefly in 1620, but that would be over 600 years after Eric the Red first walked on Greenland’s soil in the year 985. But now Donald the Orange says that doesn’t count.
AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH ... Our dear president, who has bombed Nigeria supposedly to protect Christians in that country, apparently doesn’t realize that Greenland has a far higher percentage of Christians than the United States of America does. And nowhere in the Trump Bible does it say it’s okay for one Christian nation to attack another Christian nation.
Blessed are the Peacemakers. Even if they didn’t win the Nobel Peace Prize.
DOG WHISTLE ... I suppose it goes without saying that the president’s favorite dog is not a Great Dane.
Reach me at bobdunning@thewaryone.com
This is all so incredulous…when will congress come to their sense and put an end to this?
This Greenland thing has me wondering, where did this idea come from? The Donald must have some large version of the game "Risk" somewhere and gets great delight moving his pieces then watching the stock market react.